Monday, February 06, 2006

Only Two Choices: Life and Abortion

The January 23rd issue of the Seattle P.I. had an article from a medical student who is studying to become an abortionist. The comments section at the end of the article revealed this post-abortion testimony directed at pro-lifers by someone calling herself "lovingmom":

Here's the honest truth of the matter - if any of you actually want to get down to the facts....I am a woman who has had an abortion, termination, "baby-killing operation", or whatever else you find fit to name the personal decision / procedure.

For those of you who are already "pro-choice", this is only reinforcing your standpoint. For those of you who are "pro-life" please take into account that I am not naieve enough to think that you would abandon your standpoint and turn your back on the belief-system that you consider yourselves a part of.

All I am doing by writing this, is to simply provide you with a SMALL glimpse into a situation, my situation, that resulted in the termination of a pregnancy. My hope is that at least one reader might give a few extra minutes and lend an open mind to the idea that it IS possible that making the gut-wrenching decision of terminating my pregnancy MIGHT have been the better choice.

If you are, as you say, fighting for the life of a child, then you must be fully aware of the fact that a child that walks the earth, breathes the air, must be cared for by someone - and in today's society, by someone's money and emotional stability and love. You must agree that if these basic neccessities are not met somehow, that the child WILL suffer. A child with no food in their mouths (let alone healthy food) will starve. A child with no clean water to drink will suffer illness. A child with no heat to keep them warm in the winter will suffer horribly painful and seemingly endless days and nights. A child with no access to any medical care at all (let alone decent medical care) could suffer through insurmountable physical trauma that quickly leads to deep emotional pain. A child without a Mother or Father (single parent or not) that has the will and the maturity to support them will suffer on so very many levels, however, this is NOT the fault of the child. That child may not have asked to be terminated, but that same child did also not ask to live.

Forcing a woman to bear a child that she, for whatever reason, does not feel she can provide for does NOT make her a Mother. Do you agree that every child deserves a Mother? Do you wish to inflict pain and suffering on these "innocent children" who's rights you are so diligently fighting for?

At the age of 20, I was at the peak of what I call my "bad period". I graduated high school with honors, was successful in sports, music, relationships. I went on to begin my college career. Not long after I began, I lost control. I had been diagnosed with bipolar, depression, ADD, and everything else that would put me into a category. It is difficult to diagnose someone who maintains a seemingly successful life but just cannot maintain it consistently. I DO NOT blame some mental illness, or diagnosis for ANY of my decisions or actions. Having extremely low self esteem, I seeked out those who had far worse situations than mine. I became them. I suppose I felt I was "helping" them - while all the time I was simply becoming them, their environment.I went from living with a wonderful, open minded, caring family to living in a broken down projects apartment. No, I was not a drug or alcohol addict. No, I was not a prostitute.

I became involved with a guy ("man" is not the proper term for this individual) who grew up half in the U.S., half in Puerto Rico. Whenever his mother decided she didn't feel like being here anymore, when her welfare checks ran out, when her WIC coupons were boring her, when her Section 8 wasn't affording her a large enough apartment to comfortably house her FIVE children - she would just take them all out of school and jet off to P.R. This guy had no education. He sold drugs and stood in the street all night. He robbed apartments and stole cars. As did EVERY SINGLE OTHER person living in that sprawling part of the city. They all came from the SAME exact background. I holed up with him and his entire family. His 13 year old sister had a one year old daughter and did not know who the father was.

I got pregnant. I was on the pill. Yes, it is entirely possible. I had a job that paid $9.00 an hour. I used my oven to heat my apartment. I spent days going to court dates for my "boyfriend", visiting him in jail. Driving his family members around - no one had a car. I had "breakfast" with his family everyday - this meant sitting and watching them toast a piece of bread per person, melt a piece of processed cheese on it, and wash it down with soda. This included the one year old baby - yes - she was drinking soda ONLY.

I made the decision to have an abortion. Had I had this child, I would have had NO prenatal care. I had no insurance through my "temp-agency". I made "too much money" to be given Medicaid. When that child was born, I would have had nothing to offer. Had I attempted to raise the child in that environment, the cycle would have simply continued. The would-be "father" now has 3 children with 3 different women and is in prison. Had I put the child up for adoption - there was ABSOLUTELY no guarantee that a permanant home would have been available and waiting. The very real possiblity, based on statistics, was that the child would have spent time being shifted through foster homes - with no attachment to a parent and the window for abuse and neglect. You cannot deny that would result in nothing less than needless suffering. I had to identify to the very best of my knowledge what the "lesser of two evils" in THAT individual situation was. You may respond by saying that by having that child, it at least would have had a chance. This is where you need to really dig deep and think - Isn't the CHANCE of just ONE SINGLE CHILD living a life of hunger, violence, neglect, pain too much to risk? I believe if you really consider the difference between the the "suffering" that you are causing an unborn fetus by terminating it and the life long suffering that you might be causing a child by choosing not to - you will have to see what this boils down to.

You will never be able to gain control over women becoming pregnant. And unfortunately, there will never be a world where all men and women think before they act. But do not let that burden fall on the shoulders of a child that is born into that situation. When a woman is pregnant, there is only two choices - life (regardless of who or who isn't going to care for the child) or abortion.

Unless any of you are prepared and WILLING to adopt every single child that results from a ban on abortion - you truly need to consider what you are fighting for. You may not realize this, but there aren't people standing around waiting to adopt EVERY SINGLE child that is born and not "wanted". Caucasian children may have it easier, but still not half the time. Are you prepared to adopt a black, asian, hispanic child that is born addicted to crack or with AIDS? Are you prepared to adopt every child that is born with a severe mental or physical handicap that will follow them and shape their lives? Newsflash - most people are not. Most people are just like you.

I am now a married mother of twin 16 month old boys. I live in a very lovely city and stay home with my children. I work in the advertising industry and have a very positive life. Do I feel guilty for terminating a pregnancy? No. I feel thankful that I took the time to think the decision through and that I made the choice to keep yet another child safe from the possibility of a life that was anything less than an innocent child deserves.


sam said...

06 february 2006 (philippines)


i read your story, i was touched.

you have so many battles and trials in life, and led you to decide that.

it is you decision, and you stick on that. nobody human being can blame you for what you did before, you have a reason why you did that. it the reality, it happened, you have a choice, it just happened that you choose not to continue it (first pregnancy). it's true that it's a sin, but were just only human, maybe God already forgave you for what you did before. maybe on that time that was the right thing on your mind, but my friend, don't get offended on what i will tell huh, it's not that i am letting you examine your conscience, but did you ever think before that it's not right? maybe its one of the many ways (your first pregnancy),there is a reason why that "baby" came into your womb, maybe there is a certain family out there, those who are not capable of having a child, who needs your unborn child?
anyway, its already past, all you have to do is to move on, just ldon't forget the lessons you have learned from your past experiences, hope you don't do it again.
be a model to every women in distress, site your experience with them, be an inspiration, help them to understand life, and let yourself be an instrument to those women, who is in the same situation with you before. help them to enlighted their minds and help them bring closer to the One up there.

Fredi said...

Is it possible that all of the above problems could have been solved by adoption rather than killing the baby?

You could have gotten housing, medical care, financial assistance, etc and your child could have lived and not suffered.

So how was death a better choice than life when life was an option? No matter what you say, nothing will change the fact that you could have placed your child instead of killing her.

Chiaras-mommy said...

A veiw,

I am one of those sexually abused starved and beaten foster kids. Im grown now and perfectly happy to be here. The writer of that story misses the point of the prolife movment. Where a woman is in needwe should help her so that she doesnt have to resort to abortion, however, those who would kill anyways should not be allowed to.

It is not up to us to decide whos life will be worth while. Until I was out of foster care everyone assumed Id wind up in prison yet here I am nursing my 6th child to sleep. It wasnt up to them. They didnt have Gods insight or any understanding of His plan for my life yet they presumed to judge me. How dare anyone assume they know anothers future. And what about the kids in foster care now, Should we kill them? Its not a consistent or coherent argument.

Fredi said...


I am sorry for what you went through. Our focus should definitely be to protect children so they can live and don't have to endure what you went through. I think abortion is a cop-out for people that don't want to protect born children (we'll just kill them before they're born so there's no one to protect.)

I am very glad your here and your children are here. Thank you for persevering as the world is a better place with you in it.

Mary E. said...

Yes, Chiaras-Mommy -- I am glad you are here and her persevered. Welcome to the site everybody!